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Transcript

When Goals Trigger Threat Mode

The Gym Excuse That Exposed Fear

How Ego Creates Self Sabotage

Redefining Success As Daily Action

Shrink The Starting Line

SPEAKER_00 0:06

I'm so glad that you're here. You're listening to what the fuck did you just say? What your host that's me at the Facebook. I'm all about living our best life and finding our zone of brilliance and then removing the resistance so that we can go all in. I say random crazy, which is why I called this podcast the way that I did it. And I really hate long, drawn-out intros. So let's fucking go. As soon as we get that excited thought or that, you know, that moment where we think, fuck, I hate this job. I really need to do something different. I really need to start this business. I really need to lose the weight. I need to join the gym. I need to create a new offer. I need to start a new podcast. I need to declutter my house, no matter what it is, big or small. If you have the thought, you have that goal, you have that dream, you can achieve it. But our brain treats it like a threat. So we're going to have the initial thought and then go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me throw it through this threat risk assessment. How many ways is this going to cause me pain? How is this goal emotionally risky for me? Well, I could fail at it and I could fail publicly at it. People could judge me. I could feel then I'm responsible. You know, I create this thing and then I'm responsible to carry it through. I might be fearful of success. I might think, shit, if I am a huge success, what happens? Am I going to be too exhausted? Am I potentially going to burn out? Am I going to be overwhelmed? Am I not going to be there for my kids? You know, years ago, and I think I've told this story on this podcast before, but years ago when I was looking for opportunity for me to work out, I had gained a little bit of weight and I hated it. Um, and so I wanted to get back to the gym. And this is what I'd use to lose weight before was going to the gym and eating um really clean. And so I thought, okay, well, when am I going to go to the gym? Yes, I need to do this. I know I need to do this. This is my goal and want to lose weight, and I want to go to the gym. Except there's the pause. And then it became, well, I'm really busy and I can't do it after work anymore. And I my kids are are a little bit older and they're into sports, and I can't really do that. And I gotta make them supper. And well, maybe I could go to the gym in the morning. Nope, can't do that because I need to do my daughter's hair in the morning. Like, pardon me, I can't go to the gym in the morning because I need to do my daughter's hair. I was not creating like a pageant hairstyle. All I need to do was brush it and put it in ponytail. That doesn't take three hours. I could get up early, I could go to the gym, I could come back, do her hair, and everything would be fine. But my brain treated going to the gym as a threat. And it was threat detection. This like this threat generator. Okay, how many things can I create that proves my subconscious mind, my subconscious thoughts, my fear is correct. It's like I have this dream. This dream sounds exciting. I know this works. I have certainty. Yeah, that's good. But it might hurt. Let's fucking not. The pause, that pause that you notice, it's the brain trying to regulate discomfort. It's not because you don't have the ambition, it's not because you don't want it so badly. It's because what if I do this? Where are the risks? And so often we see in this moment that pause is self-sabotage. We delay it because we don't want to risk failing and we don't want to risk succeeding, and we don't want to risk being judged. Sometimes we we don't even want to go all in because we have that backup plan, right? We that backup excuse. Well, I didn't really try. So it's not really about me. I didn't really fail because I didn't try. If I gave it 110% and I still failed, what does this say about me? We create obstacles so that the result or lack thereof can be blamed on the obstacle instead of our ability. We are trying to keep our ego safe. So we're gonna start late. We're going to research till the cows come home. We're going to constantly say, I need to do this, but we don't. We're going to look to get more certifications and more training and like delay, delay, delay. And we're going to find really, really creative reasons, aka excuses, that we can't do the fucking thing. Because our ego is a powerful bitch. Our ego is wanting to stay safe at all cost. So, how do we overcome this? I mean, we're gonna act when you we believe we can succeed, when we have that certainty, when we really want the reward, and when the payoff feels close. A lot of times, what I notice is people are focused on the end result and they're not focused on the journey. They're not focused on success being the fact that you show the fuck up every single day. They think success is the outcome. Success is the trophy. Success is the$100,000 months. Success is the end result on the scale. Success actually isn't the outcome. Success is the daily commitment to the journey. We stall when we're focused on the reward and it's far away, or we're not sure that it's gonna fucking work, or something feels easier right now. I mean, let's fucking face it, chips and dip in my bed feels pretty fucking easy and pretty good. But that's not gonna get me to my goal. So having this idea in my mind of this is my goal. I know that because I have the goal, I can achieve it. What do I need to do today to take a tiny step forward? I see so many people online saying, I want to do this, but I keep failing. So here's how we're going to get through this. First, we're gonna shrink the starting line. So if you are going to take on a big task, one of the things that we often think is like, okay, I'm going to lose 100 pounds, right? That feels huge. And so the starting line for that might be if I'm going to lose 100 pounds, I'm going to go on this like ridiculously strict diet. I'm going to cut out absolutely everything that I've been drinking and eating for the last, you know, 10 years. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to go to my saunas sessions, I'm going to go to massages, I'm going to do all these things. And that's what I got to do. I'm going to do this today. Okay. No one is going to want to change absolutely everything about themselves in a day.

unknown 8:05

Right.

Make Action Feel Emotionally Safer

Accountability With Real Skin In Game

Reach Out When You Want To Hide

Greatness Mindset And Closing Ask

SPEAKER_00 8:06

So, what about I'm going to go for a walk? Just start there. If you want to get a recertification, instead of thinking, I need to research myself, I need to take this course. Your risk detector is going to go, okay. Well, I need to resert this course. It's going to take me, that's going to be, you know, a full weekend. I don't know when I'm going to do this. I've got to do all this studying. That feels overwhelming. Where's the chips and dip? Instead, we go. The starting line is I'm going to open my laptop and look to see when the next course is. That's it. One tiny step towards the goal every single day. Small steps will bypass that threat detection. The second thing, you want to reduce the emotional risk. So people take action when they think that the emotional risk is less or it's safer to take action. This is why communities work. This is why coaching works. When I am working with a client, it's that girl and me together in their business, that girl and me together in their personal life. Whatever goal they have, we're working on it together. It feels safer to have someone that is there with you. The emotional risk is less. And the other thing is to have some sort of accountability or commitment to something outside of yourself. So whether you tell someone the goal you have and the steps that you are going to take to achieve them, or a lot of times it's putting money on the line. You know, when I signed up for the largest amount of money that I ever paid for a coach was$75,000 for a year. And I'll never forget it because I don't charge the way that I pay. I don't charge for my coaching in those high amounts. It was interesting because my coach at the time, she had said, if you paid less than$75,000, would you be showing up here every single week? I mean, there were days where I thought, fuck, I really don't want. I don't want to talk to her. I just want to sit and eat the chips and dip in bed. I don't want to call her. I don't want to be held accountable. I don't want her to poke at me because I know I am sitting in self-sabotage and she's going to see it. I don't want to have to go through my shadow work. I don't want to, like, I just want to be safe. But I paid her 75 grand. I am not going to fucking hold myself back. I am not going to cancel that appointment. So I didn't. And so sometimes when we put money on the line and it's enough to kind of make us fucking feel our ass pucker. That's the thing that pushes us forward even when we don't want to. The other thing is sometimes people like, you know, they can schedule deadlines publicly, say, okay, I am going to start my business by this date. That only works if you give a shit that you've done it, though. You kind of you have to know when you give a shit, right? So know what you think matters to you. For me, if$75,000 was enough for me to go, whoa, this is a lot. And oh my God, I better show the fuck up. If I had paid$100 a month, if I paid$100 a month for that year, guess what? I can easily suck that up. I can easily cancel that appointment. So it has to be something that makes you feel like you're accountable to it. Like you need to have skin in the game and you need to feel accountable to that thing, no matter what it is, doesn't matter. I often say to my clients, too, if they are struggling, they're going to want to not reach out to me. But I want them to force themselves to do it. I want them to reach out to me. I want them to say, okay, today I just want to pull back and play it safe. Because we didn't come here for that. We came here with the most beautiful gifts, with the most incredible successes. And again, I'm going to say it. If you have the dream, you have the capacity to achieve it. The only reason you're not achieving it is because your risk assessor is overriding. We can tell it not to. We can shift it. Start focusing on your daily actions. Start small, but start. Reduce the emotional risk in some way and be accountable to yourself by creating an external source of it. When you do those three things, you're going to take the steps closer and closer and closer to realizing your actual potential. You don't need to listen to the risk generator. You're meant for fucking greatness. So let's fucking go. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you've had some laughs, maybe some ideas, and that you've been inspired to take some type of action toward the life you always dreamed up. If you feel so called, I would love it if you would share with your best views. Leave a review down below. I look forward to bringing you along with only, and I will see you in the next episode.