WTF did she just say?

[BIZ BITS] Breaking the Integrity Box

• Sandra Priestley • Season 2 • Episode 150

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Speaker 1:

Hey girl, welcome back to the podcast. Today I'm going to tell you this sneak peek behind the scenes of my business. There is something that I absolutely love about myself and also something that keeps me small as hell, and I call it my integrity box. Now I'm going to talk tomorrow, in part two, a little bit about where this comes from, but I feel as though a box is something that is safe and it's like a set of standards that we work within, something that we work within, but a lot of times that keeps us small right, especially if we've got a lid on that box. Lot of times that keeps us small right, especially if we've got a lid on that box. And the integrity box for me is something that I hold very dear. But also it stops me from growth sometimes because I'm so stuck on saying what I mean, meaning what I say, making sure that no one misunderstands, making sure that I quote everyone else If I have gotten an idea from somewhere else. It is literally like I am in university class and I am making sure that I am quoting any informal quotes. This is the way that I run my business. If I say something one day and I start to change my mind on it or I say something with a different intention, but it seems like I've contradicted myself. Oh my God, I beat myself up like crazy because that is this integrity box. No one is even noticing, but it's this integrity that I hold so dear to myself, that then it holds me back. The integrity box, it's not just high standard, it's a fucking trap sometimes. So let's get into it.

Speaker 1:

I used to think that integrity was perfection, and I often say that I'm a recovering perfectionist, that I've really needed to work on not being perfect and like, let's face it, perfectionism is really just a fear of failure, right? So I have really worked hard on failing, being okay, taking big risks and doing things messy, showing up that perfection is not inspiring, that done is better than perfect. I mean, there are a lot of different quotes that I have heard that I have had to like, say on repeat so that I could get away from that perfectionist mindset. And integrity is not the same as perfection. Integrity is not about never changing your mind, and this is the one thing that I'm really leaning on right now to get me out of that default of the integrity. It's not about being able to quote your every thought and hold it up in a courtroom five years from now.

Speaker 1:

Integrity is about alignment and it's showing up in a way that feels true to you right in this moment. Not true forever, because, fuck, we grow and evolve. We should be. If you believe all of the same things today as you did 20 years ago, you got to question yourself if you've really fucking grown right, where you're not putting yourself in a stretchy enough environment. So it needs to just feel true right now and not true according to someone else's checklist true to you in this moment. This version of you right now, the one who's growing, the one who's learning, the one who gets to evolve, and the person who shows up in alignment with what feels true to you right now might not feel true to you in five years. It might not feel true to you in five months, and that's okay and it's something that I'm learning to live with. So, if you're like me, maybe your integrity is turned into like this ridiculous fucking rule book that no one else is following. It's like you're trying to earn your girl guide badges while everyone else is just vibing away making millions, not giving a damn. Who the fuck they quoted or contradicted along the way, like I'm telling you the number of people that regurgitate shit from someone else on the internet. It's unbelievable.

Speaker 1:

Just today I was watching a reel on Instagram. I don't even know who this chick was. I just randomly she was on my For you page and it was a pretty good video about manifestation and I thought who the hell is this chick? This is a new chick on manifestation. Well, no, it was a comedian. This wasn't a comedic post, so I don't really get it. But anyway, and I scrolled through numerous posts, landed on this other reel and listened to this conversation she was talking about, about using, using your gifts. If you're gorgeous and pretty and it helps you get a job, fucking use it. And I thought, well, that's interesting, random, but interesting, and that's it. And I moved on, didn't pay attention to her name, just moved on.

Speaker 1:

And then there I am working out listening to my friend, alex Hermosi, and the integrity box right now makes me want to say PS, alex Hermosi and I are not friends. I'm just being facetious. He's my new best friend that he doesn't know. We're friends. You know what I mean. Anyway, see how limiting this can be. That's in real life. That is in real time. My fucking crazy brain, anyway.

Speaker 1:

So I hear him tell this story about his dad and his dad was a doctor, had his own practice successful practice and he wanted Alex to be a doctor. And Alex said I think that's cheating. It's cheating for me to just become a doctor and take over your business. And his dad said I think that's cheating. It's cheating for me to just become a doctor and take over your business. And his dad said do you think that Shaq thought it was cheating because of his height and his capability and his skill at basketball? Do you think it's cheating that he became a basketball player, or did he just show up and use his gifts player, or did he just show up and use his gifts?

Speaker 1:

What's interesting about this is that both of them told the exact same story-ish. It was the same message right, if you've got a gift, fucking use it. And here I am going. Huh, that chick like I mean mean how random for me to see these. Like they were in completely different I mean one was on Instagram, one was a podcast. I mean this chick likely watched, listened to Alex Hermosi, did her own thing and didn't say where she got the messaging from. But look at me, I just told you. I heard this story.

Speaker 1:

I had to go out of my way to say that I don't remember the girl's name. Otherwise, if I did, I would quote her. You see where it's going Like? This is like a circle of bullshit in my brain. None of this needs that much energy. You are listening to this podcast and I'll guarantee you do not give a crap if I tell you where I heard a quote from and then give you my spin on it. You know what no one else is.

Speaker 1:

I'm going to let you in on a little secret here. The majority of people on the internet are regurgitating old shit and they're acting like they came up with it. They clearly do not have the integrity box that I have, because I'm holding myself to this like I came up with this quote and I'm thinking who the fuck said this? I don't know, and I'll search for three hours to try to figure out who was the author of this quote. Sometimes it holds us back.

Speaker 1:

So there's a reframe that I'm working on, and if you have an integrity box, I want you to work on this as well. So the reframe is what if integrity isn't about being rigid? And what if it's just about being honest with where you are right now. Like where you are right now. How do you feel? Right now, you get to change your mind. You can grow and you can say hey, I said this last year. Now I feel differently. That's okay. That's me evolving and it doesn't make you flaky, it just makes you human. But it also shows growth to others. If you're giving credit where credit's due, great, it's a sign of respect. But I'm telling you, it is not our job to be the Internet's librarian. We are allowed to share things that inspired us without needing to track down the original tweet from 2014. Which PS I would have been doing? Which PS I would have been doing? So this is your permission slip.

Speaker 1:

If you're listening to this and you've got your own little integrity box, and if you feel like you have to stay consistent or clear or perfect all the time to be just good enough, I want you to know this. You get to grow. You get to pivot. You get to fuck up and make it right without carrying shame for the rest of your life. You get to have the integrity without making yourself a prisoner to it. If someone wants to judge you for changing your mind, fuck it. That's on them. It isn't anything to do with your character. It's just a reflection of their discomfort with your growth, and it's about giving someone credit for something amazing that they've said, but also acknowledging that the majority of things like, for example, manifestation Manifestation is pretty simple. Manifestation is pretty simple. There's not much new.

Speaker 1:

I have literally heard probably seven different people talk about the desire or the need for certainty. When you're manifesting the focus on certainty, just today I heard two people talking about obsession, being obsessed with the outcome, like really living it every single day. Did either of those two people come up with it on their own? Did the seven people that talk about certainty in manifestation? Did they come up with it on their own? Absolutely fucking not.

Speaker 1:

It's okay. It's okay to just say you may have heard some of these things before, but I'm hopeful that if you hear them from me now, that you will hear them in a different way and in a way that impacts you for the rest of your life and for the better. It's okay to repeat something that has been impactful for you and if it's important enough that you quote that person, absolutely do so, but it's not always necessary and sometimes it even detracts away from the importance of the message because you're giving so much fucking background to where you got the message from that the message gets lost. I hope that gives you permission to show the fuck up and to show up in truth in who you are today. See you tomorrow.

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Sandra Priestley

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