WTF did she just say?
Oh my goshhhhhhhhhh welcome to my podcast!!! I'm so excited that you're here and I am honoured that you choose to place ME in your AirPods every week!!!
Here's a bit about me:
My name is Sandra. I'm a business coach for women, a feng shui practitioner and a 2x national leadership award winner. In saying all of that though, I feel like I'm just a girl from Saskatchewan, who is put on this earth to inspire you to step into your power ... right fuckin' now.
I think that all too often, we convince ourselves that there is nothing we can do ... that our life "is what it is" and that ONE DAY we might be able to have the life that we dreamed of.
Uhmmmm NO.
That's bullshit.
Sorry ... but it's true. In a split second, you can choose differently. In THIS moment, you can take that courageous step toward the life you desire. It's my job, my gift and my obsession to help you share your sparkle with the world and I'm excited to get started.
You got this. Let's go.
Sandra
WTF did she just say?
Tackling fear and avoidance: "This is going to suck, but I'm doing it anyway"
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I'm so glad that you're here. You are listening to what the fuck did she just say with your host? That's me, sandra Priestly. I'm all about living our best life and finding our zone of brilliance and then removing the resistance so that we can go all in. I say random, crazy shit, which is why I called this podcast the way that I did, and I really hate long drawn out intros. So let's fucking go.
Speaker 1:If you are the person that is sitting in avoidance, you get all excited and you want to take on this task, you really want to join, you really believe this is going to be the thing, and then you think I really want to do it. I think this could be the answer, but maybe I'm going to avoid it instead. I'll just wait. Maybe now's not the time. It's interesting because I feel like there's three reasons that avoidance can actually stem from three different types of fears, sometimes all together, depending on the context. Fear of failure, which I think all of us know right. Fear of pain also all of us know. In that pain, I think of judgment as well. And then fear of success, which I feel like I struggle with on a continual basis, and so I just want to go through them to see if any of these might feel like something you're experiencing, and why it happens. Let's start with fear of failure. So that might look like avoiding tasks or decisions because you're fearing that you might mess something up or you might not meet expectations. It's avoiding doing the things because you might fail. This is like I keep thinking about Wayne Gretzky's quote that says you miss a hundred percent of the shots that you don't take. But a lot of times we don't take the shots because we're afraid of fucking them up right. So why this happens is when we have any self-doubt, if we have any feelings of incompetence, if we put so much pressure on ourselves to succeed in all things. If we fail, we fear, like it's confirmation Jeez, I am a loser. Oh my gosh, I am incompetent. And so a lot of times we try to avoid all potential disappointment and all potential judgment by just not doing the dang thing. This also might look like someone not putting in 100% effort, because if they put in 100% effort and they still fail, it means that they are a failure. When it's not, I mean if you can put a hundred percent effort into something, fuck good for you. To me that's success, anyway.
Speaker 1:The second one was fear of pain. This is avoidance, because you can't handle the emotional, mental, physical discomfort that's associated with a situation or with doing something. What happens here and I said this yesterday, I believe, on yesterday's episode but we're hardwired to avoid pain. So pain of any kind, like rejection, criticism, stress, it triggers our survival instinct. So avoidance feels safer than facing any potential discomfort, like we're going to avoid, instead of having that safety mechanism kick in.
Speaker 1:And then there's the weird one fear of success, and this looks like avoiding opportunities, avoiding taking action, anything that could lead to growth, new responsibilities, being busier, having more expectations. Success often brings about those changes or a shift in who we are, and so sometimes we avoid stepping up because we're scared of the pressure or we might even be scared of losing that comfort zone. Let's face it, what we're doing right now is comfortable, and so one of the things that I really try to do is always push myself. As soon as I get comfortable, I try to take on something else or I try to shift or I try to challenge myself in some way. So I'm actively trying to minimize any fear of success that I have, because I got to tell you, fear of success is the thing that has held me back for so long. But what if I'm too busy? But what if I stress myself out? But what if I burn out Because I have pushed myself to the point where I am literally just hanging on by a thread I'd taken on way too much. When I had hit that burnout, it was so bad and I actually feared serious illness was going to be as a result, because stress leads to bad things health-wise, and so that was one of the things that I created in myself is this fear of success. What if I get myself so successful in my business, in my personal business, that I burn out?
Speaker 1:The lovely thing about having your own business is you get to turn off the fucking tap. I can just create a wait list. I can just revamp my offers. I can just do more group work and less private coaching spots. I don't have to open up more private coaching spots. If I get to the point of burnout, I can hire out. I mean, there's so many things that I could do, but it's like this underlying sense of avoidance because our subconscious is trying to keep us safe. That's all it is. We are literally just hardwired to keep ourselves safe.
Speaker 1:Imagine a situation where you've got all three because you can. You could, let's say, you avoid a project because you fear that you're going to fail doing it. But then you also worry about but what if it's successful? And then I have to sacrifice my free time? And then also, what if I create it and then other people judge me and I feel pain because of that. I mean that is like the worst cocktail ever. Then you're really fucking stuck right. Then you're really going to sit, dig your heels in, sit in resistance and avoid everything. So there's something that you can do to really stop that habit of avoidance, in whatever situation. It is Understanding the root of it is critical. So ask yourself what am I actually afraid of? What is it that is the biggest thing that I'm afraid of? And once you identify it, think what's the worst thing that could happen.
Speaker 1:When you name the fear, it becomes easier to reframe it and take action despite of it. All you have to do is say this is going to suck, but I'm going to do it anyway. I mean, I love that reframe. It's just like shit. You know what? This isn't going to be good, but I'm going to push through anyway. I always say this is just old shit. Let's move. Like that's what I say to myself this is old shit. Let's move. Like that's what I say to myself this is old shit. Let's move because we're not going to hold ourselves back from some subconscious bullshit that we've picked up along the way that is only helping us stay small. We are not trying to avoid being stalked in the mountains by cougars. The thing that we are most in avoidance of is our own fabricated fears of shit. So when we know that it's our thoughts, we can just reframe and take action.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I think of David Goggins. I listened to him one day. It was his podcast and he was saying there are days where he gets up in the morning and he's sitting down trying to desperately put on his running shoes because he knows he's going to go out to run and he has to mentally talk himself up because he doesn't want to go. He would rather go back to bed. And he's David fucking Goggins and he just says let's go, motherfucker, and he puts his fucking shoes on. Like that's it. Sometimes we spend so much time in our heads trying to make it so complicated when really what if we could just say let's go, motherfucker, this is gonna suck, but we're gonna do it anyway. I mean, sometimes that's all we need. Good, swift kick in the fucking ass. I know that's for me. So if you're sitting in avoidance and, let's go, motherfucker, doesn't work, let's go, motherfucker, doesn't work.
Speaker 1:Try to identify. What are you actually afraid of? What type of fear are you trying to avoid? Is it fear of pain? Is it fear of success? Is it fear of failure? Is it a combination of them? Once you name it, a friend of mine used to always say once you make it known to the universe, it ceases to be a problem. So make it known to the universe.
Speaker 1:What do you feel like you were truly afraid of here? Failure, success or pain? What's the worst thing that could happen and how would you handle it if it did? And the end? 99% of the things that we worry about never fucking happen. But spending time in that and spending time in that emotion gets us closer to it. So if you want to free yourself from your own thoughts, try as best as you can to identify the fear, reframe it and take action in spite of it. That's it. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you've had some laughs, maybe some ideas and that you've been inspired to take some type of action toward the life you've always dreamed of. If you feel so called, I would love it if you would share with your besties and leave a review down below. I look forward to bringing you along on this journey and I will see you in the next episode.
